Rowan's Reviews

Greetings elders. This is Rowan Payne or as most of you know me “The Ro-Dawg Jesse James”. Yes that is the Ro-Dawg chilling on the mantle in the main picture of Daddy’s blog. The camera loves me as you can see!! You would be amazed by the number of arranged marriage proposals that Daddy has received for the Ro-Dawg. Evidently the Ro-Dawg has BSA (Baby Sex Appeal)!! Daddy has graciously allowed the Ro-Dawg to guest post on his blog. Rowan has been trying to get a guest post in since the family came home from the hospital. The Ro-Dawg perfected the crazy good writing skills during his dreaded nursery stay at Crestwood. Evidently it is quite easy to escape the Crestwood Nursery when you have the brain of Jesse James. The now famous picture of the Ro-Train (yes, Rowan is aware of the many nicknames he has) in only his diapers with shades on tanning away for the future ladies was really a double in some of the pics. The one and only Mr. Dedrik Collins was gracious enough to play a role in the Ro-Dawg’s brilliant nursery escapes. See, Washington DC (yes, Ro-Dawg also likes nicknames and speaking in 3rd person) was in the next crib in the nursery. After several conversations, it became very apparent that Washington DC and Ro-Train looked very much a like except for the eyes and cheeks. Washington DC was very pleased that he looked similar to Ro-Dawg. He knew it would pay off a lot in the long run when the girls started to line up. When one of the nurses tried to set the Ro-Dawg up on date with her 5 year old daughter, Washington DC’s eyes popped out of his head. It was then that he was hooked to the Ro-Dawg. However, it would pay off for the Ro-Dawg sooner. The light bulb had went off (not literally because actually there was a huge light bulb tanning the Ro-Dawg). With the big flippin sunglasses on, Washington DC could be Ro-Dawg. Sure, his parents freaked out several times and the one nurse lost her job when he came up missing several times, but who is laughing now. Without his sacrifice, the Ro-Dawg would not have been able to enhance his boxing, art, singing, and among others, writing skills. The plan was in place. Washington DC pretending and pulling off being Ro-licious (you like that nickname) was the hard part but it was accomplished. The escape route was the easy part. Ro-Dawg just sky dived out of the crib and unsnapped the o’ diaper and used it as a parachute. Sure, there was a little naked body for the whole world to see, but what a sight for the world to see!! The Ro-Dawg then snapped the diaper back on and hid in the cabinet portion of a crib exiting the nursery. The cribs that Ro-licious speaks of were actually plastic tubs on cabinets with wheels. Cheap but served their purpose. Before the crib reached its destination room, Ro-Dawg would double flip out and head to Daddy BP’s and Mommy Erin’s room. Then he would snatch Daddy BP’s laptop away while he slept and would hide in the shower and surfed away on the internet. Returning to nursery prison was a bit harder. Since the nursery door was adult proof locked, the Ro-Dawg had to become creative in getting back in. Hopefully your curiosity is hitting right now. The Ro-Dawg can’t speak of the exact plan on returning to nursery prison but lets just say it involved a dress, a bottle of milk, dancing the Romba, blowing a hole in the huggies diaper, and letting the cute baby eyes do the work.

It only took Ro-Dawg three nights to learn the how to type and what the purpose of the explorer icon on the desktop was for. Evidently knowing how to turn a computer on and play solitary was genetically installed in Ro-Dawg (yes, Ro-Dawg did finally beat Spider Solitar). Ro-Dawg was extremely surprised Mommy Erin never found him in the shower in the thousand nightly bathroom trips she took. Mommy is one of the most intelligent women Ro-Dawg knows but evidently when you combine Daddy and Mommy to form a Ro-Train, he is smarter than both of them. So anyway, that is where the Ro-Dawg developed his keen since of typing and read up on many movie scripts. The Ro-Dawg has approximately read over 1200 scripts. Ro-licious is quite the fast reader. Scripts ranging from Little Ms. Sunshine to Lassie to The 3 Ninjas to Lord of the Rings were read by yours truly. Ro-Dawg became very familiar with actors and their traits/abilities by Googling every actor that popped up in the scripts. Ro-licious then found the site called youtube.com where you can actually watch movies. What a time saver that was Ro-Dawg also watched approximately 200 movies thanks to youtube.com (how long has that site been around). You may ask where did this desire to learn movies come from. Great question, maybe because the womb is not sound proof and Ro-Dawg heard the hundreds of movies/TV shows that Mommy and Daddy watched while the sexy limbs on the Ro-Train’s body were. Only hearing sound will create a great desire to put pictures with the sounds and thus a desire to watch movies was born. A boy can only hear so much Reba before he wants to see what Reba looks like and yes, what a great show Reba is!! Combine this with evidently inheriting some movie gene from the parents and BOOM, you have a “super hero infant movie junkie”. So Ro-Dawg is going to begin a series of movie reviews called “Rowan’ Reviews”. If the Ro-Dawg gets enough feedback, Daddy said he would allow Ro-Dawg to start his own blog. It is not that Ro-Dawg doesn’t know how to type in blogspot.com and register a cool blog name like Ridiculously Right Reviews: A Blog By Ro-licious, but the Ro-Dawg is all about respecting Daddy BP’s wishes. After long hours of reading and watching movies, it didn’t take the Ro-Train long to realize that many movies are worth no more than the stinky brown stuff that Mommy and Daddy clean off my butt that STINKS.

So here we go. What makes a good movie for Ro-Dawg? That is simple. The Ro-Dawg presents one word many times to you: PLOT, PLOT, PLOT, PLOT, PLOT. Ro-Dawg doesn’t care if it is a love story, mystery, horror, thriller, etc as long as there is a PLOT!! Most movies lack a decent plot. Most movies have good ideas but don’t build on the plot. A perfect example is Jumper. Great idea, people capable of jumping through “time”; however, the director Doug Liman should have told the writers David Goyer and Jim Uhls that they forgot to take the necessary time to walk through the history of how this ability came into existence. Not much should be expected from David Goyer since his biggest claim to fame was the Blade series (which scared pee out of me, literally, peed all over myself in the shower). But Doug Liman was a part of the Bourne Identity series and those movies speak for themselves. So Doug, you should know better. Sure, Jumper gave a quick 5 minute Cliff note version but the Eric Note Version was needed. Eric note means the WHOLE VERSION and is also Ro-Dawgs middle name. This blog is a perfect example of Ro-Dawg’s belief in building upon the history. If Ro-Dawg just started in on the movie review for today without giving you the detailed version (Eric Note Version) of where his ability of being able to review movies came from, then no respect would be given. Heck there may not be much respect anyway since you are reading what a baby sitting in a diaper full of that stinky brown stuff is telling you. You may think Ro-Dawg is just a cute baby who can type which is fine. So the Ro-Dawg has watched every type of movie and even sometimes finds himself telling Mommy to put in love story movies such has Definitely Maybe while other times he stays up late to watch a man movie like Bangkok Dangerous with Daddy. By the way, that movie should have been called “Dang, This Movie Smells Like Poop”.

So that is the history of Ro-Dawg movie skills. The next post Daddy allows me to do will be an actual movie reviews. Ro-licious just wanted to give you some background and also promote his new nickname Ro-licious. The Ro-Dawg just vomited all over himself so Mommy is already on her way down the hall to clean this sexy baby up. Life is grand! Nothing better than someone cleaning up the poop that comes out of your butt and mouth!!! Stay crazy blog readers, the Ro-Dawg will be back soon!!

Ro-licous is out!!

BP's Love Needs One

Two blogs for the price of one.  Merry Christmas indeed!!!

So BP been thinking.  Erin has not real nickname.  Sure BP calls her Sweets 90% of time but everyone knows how BP loves nicknames and even though he will continue to call Erin "Sweets" and "Beautiful", it is only fitting that the wife of the Nickname King have a true nickname.  Heck, everyone else has one and some more

1) Taylor - Tank Dawg, T, Tay Tay
2) Amanda - Bowenowens
3) Rowan - Ro-Dawg Jesse James, Ro-Train
4) Adam - Da Bull
5) Ashley - Mother Hen
6) Kyle - Da Bile, Triple
7) Laura - Lmac
8) Chad - C-Dawg
9) Bradely - B-Dawg
10) Scott - crap, does scott have a true nickname.  BP use to call him TP
11) Laura Beth - LB
12) Brian - Sheffer
13) Mellissa - Mel
14) Plot - Pluto
15) Danielle - D
16) Matthew - Woodrow
17) Whit - Bud
18) Haley - Hales (even though BP still forgets the correct spelling of his SIL first name)
19) Adrian - A..D..R..I..A..N (yell it out like in Rockey)
20) Bridgett - Bridge
21) Leslie - ?? maybe Les
22) Tucker - TD
23) Brandon - BP, Kitty
24) Albert - Albo

anyway, BP's peeps get the point.  So what should Erin's be?  Heck what should Scott's be?  Heck do you even like your current nickname.  Let BP know but don't expect BP to quit calling you by your nickname unless you threaten him :)

Nicknames are great.  They are to us what belly rubs are to dogs...dogs don't need them but dogs sure do like them!!!  Belly rubs put smiles on dogs faces like the correct nickname does for humans.  You know BP speaks the truth!!!!

Lets do this

Erin "aka ????"
Scott "aka ????"
You "aka ???"

Let your voice be heard
**DISCLAIMER**
Erin does not like the nickname Mrs. Kitty.  Ask Albo about Erin's reaction to him calling her Mrs. Kitty.  Ask BP what Erin said in the car and other times when Mrs. Kitty was brought up.  Please keep BP safe and keep this nickname buried.

Nothing Much Except HAPPY BIRTHDAY ERIN!!

So there isn't much for BP to update on or really, he just lacks the desire to.  But what do famous people often say...."I'm pretty"...no no, that is not it...."I must give the public what they demand"...yeah that is it....BP must give the public what they demand.  Ok, ok, BP knows there isn't much demand for the blog but in his dream world he actually thinks some read it.  So to the dreamers out there, this is for you!!

It is Erin's Birthday this saturday.  And yes BP capitalizes Birthday (and also ignores Mrs. Moore (English teacher) basic grammar rules of never starting a sentence with AND...also BP thinks parenthesis in parenthesis is not allowed either.......focus here BP..back to matter at hand) because Birthdays are holidays in the Payne household.  BP knows certain people (aka Da Bull) will pee their pants on that concept but that is how the Payne's role.  So Erin wanted a huge shopping spree for her Birthday and that is what she is going to get.  However, since post pregnancy has not went to plan, with the wound and all, Erin wants to wait until later to break out the shopping spree.  So really Erin is going to have 2 Birthday (aka Erin Holidays).  One will be Saturday and won't be filled with many presents and one will come in a May and be filled with presents of clothes GALORE!!!!  So with Erin a Happy Birthday or a Happy Erin Birthday!!!!!

Rowan Update:  Rowan is downing a lot of the Neutragema still.  That mug can eat but when you are the Ro-Dawg Jesse James and trying to grow some dread locks, you have to eat a lot.  Ro-Train is also smiling a lot and is on the verge of laughing.  Soon he will be logging on to BP's computer and setting up the web came to laugh with Grana and Grandaddy Pokey!!

Brandon took off last Friday to start outside yard work in the beautiful weather.  He is ripping up bushes in the flower beds and replanting new bushes, re-seeding the yard, fertlizing the yard, and more stuff. 

Coop City (aka Cooper) is losing his winter coat and still roaming the neighborhood and Paisley is being the pimp lady dawg that she is and playing very nicely with Rowan!!!!  Thanks for asking!!

Until next time, stay happy dreamers!!

Rowan and Erin Updates

The Paynes loved WEEK #7.  Ro-Dawg started sleeping through the night (mostly).  BP and Erin had to start suplimenting him with some expensive Neutragema fomula along side some Zantax for Ro-Dawg's acid reflux.  They can tell a difference!!!

And SPRING is almost here. 

Erin is still healing up.  The home stretch has turned into a little bit of a long home stretch.  Howeve, Erin just has to have her gauzes re-packed once a day now.  She goes to the doctor today, so keep her in your prayers.

Erin is loving staying at home though.  Sometimes she even calls BP several times during the day just to see what he is doing (boredem sometimes sets in on Erin).  Erin is in a competition with some other ladies (their names will be kept anomynous in case they want to be anomynous) in who can get back to their desire wait first.  Erin will win hands down because BP is her trainer.  Some wicked Erin eyes may come across the basement floor sometimes but BP only yells and pushes Erin simply to win the free meal for Erin (that is the prize and plus BP is just competitive).  BP can't help that he doesn't think an open wound is an excuse why she can't give me 100 situps while holding 25 lbs.  BP doesn't want excuses BATES, he wants results that result in VICTORY.  BP kids, BP kids, really BP kids.  Erin is very self motivated and really the only motivation BP has to put on her is trying to get her to eat every 3 hours to keep the ol' metabolism going.  And plus, BP thinks Erin is breath taking just the way she is!!!  As BP has already stated, he has fallen in love with Erin all over again and doesn't just think she is beautiful, but KNOWS she is beautiful.  She still takes his breath away. 

BP has enjoyed Erin getting the workout itch though because now he has company in the basement.  He had to move his workouts to the weekend because trying to fit working out/running in after work with a newborn causes for major issues (and BP knew better).  So he had to start using his weekends (which he despises working out on weekends) to slim down to his GOAL WEIGHT.  So now working out/running is more enjoyable and accessible with Erin in the basement with me doing her workout and Ro-Dawg in his bouncie seat yelling (or as he says, rooting us on) at us when we get tired.

Anyway, Rowan's pics are in.  Check them out if you wish.  They are uploaded to http://www.brandonanderin.shutterfly.com/

That is his cousin Tucker Drake (aka TD, sorry Hales-everyone gets a nickname, yeah you get a nickname too).  TD is just 3 weeks older than Ro-Dawg but is looks like a 7 foot giant next to him.  TD will be BP's down low player on the future BP AU (summer league) basketball team.

Sad Times: We Will All Miss You

This has been a sad past couple of days for BP (and Erin but not as much).  They had to give away Yoseminti (the donkey, aka Yo-Yo).  Actually, BP knew this day was coming but his dad (aka The Pokester) has had a hard time finding a new home for Yo-Yo.  Evidently the demand for a spotted, adorable donkey is not very high and then when you sprinkle it with "he likes to chase cows" it just totally drops the demand to almost zero.

So BP knew this day has been coming for several months now.  Since summer, Yo-Yo started chasing (among other things - wink, wink) cows.  We were kind of shocked since the first 6 months of his stay at the Payne farm he was kept in the same lot (cattle pin) with Boots, who was too old to walk the farm so had to be kept up, and Massey, BP's cow with a hurt foot (she is all better now but Boots is dead).  Yo-Yo treated them like family.  So come spring time The Pokester and BP let him out with the rest of the cows.  He did well at first but come end of summer, it was CHAOS.  So Yo-Yo has been in isolation since around September.  The Pokester needs the lot back for sick cows so there was only one thing to do.  Well there was the option of neutering but some vets said that might not do the trick.  So why take his manhood away if he was still going to have to leave us.  Even after long talks with Yo-Yo, Yo-Yo wouldn't check his immature behavior at the lot gate.  So The Pokester started asking around.  It wasn't until this week when he put him on the radio that someone came and snatched him up.  He is now living in Albertville (and no it wasn't Mexicans that came and got him).  Yo-Yo now lives behind Moultrie Nissan.

So Yo-Yo, if your new owners ever find this blog and read this to you.  BP misses you. You were a great donkey.  If BP had a farm, you would be buddies with Cooper right now.  Maybe one day we will reunite.

BP has some updates to post about Rowan and Erin but this blog needs to be soley dedicated to Yoseminti (and yeah BP still doesn't the correct spelling and is too lazy to google it).  It was Ro-Train's idea to dedicate this post to him.

WE MISS YOU YO-YO

Please miss him too as you view his last pictures.